The Art of Living: Communion
By Reid Bissen, Obl.S.B.
Part VI of IX of a series of reflections on The Art of Living by Dietrich von Hildebrand.
This article was originally published in our April 2025 Kansas Monks newsletter. Read the whole newsletter at www.kansasmonks.org/newsletter/april2025
Very fittingly, at this point in The Art of Living, Alice von Hildebrand continues in her late husband’s place in proposing to us communion as the next fundamental attitude to living well as Christians. Communion is a lived connection of all of life’s events with another person. It is victory over isolation.
Man is destined for communion. This is because man is first and foremost a person, who refers to himself as an “I” and stands among other “I”s that are understood to be “you”s, The field of humanity is interpersonal, which opens the possibility of two or more “I”s becoming a “we”. To become part of a “we” is the destiny of a person because he becomes something more than himself while still remaining an individual “I”. There is no other substantial development for an “I” apart from ceasing to exist. A person cannot become anything more than an “I” except a “we”, so therefore we speak of communion as the destiny of man.
One barrier to realizing communion is isolation. Ironically, true communion is hard to come by in our age of constant communication. This isn’t to say that digital communication is inherently bad, but its benefits come at a cost. There are things said over text that have gravity unfitting for the way they are communicated. The words “I love you” spelled out on a screen do not communicate the same meaning as those same words spoken out loud, with inflection, facial expression, and volume. Even video calls subtract the meaning that physical presence supplies to the spoken word. It’s okay to tell your loved ones that you care for them over the phone- the point is that if someone were to only, or predominantly, be told that they are loved via text, they wouldn’t know what love is. An imbalance in the way we communicate is a barrier to communion. One way we can practice this is by saving important conversations for face-to-face encounters. Getting to know someone new is also best done in person. This will require patience from us, but the good of a deeper communion is worthwhile.
However, communion is not guaranteed by physical presence. We should be careful not to become complacent in our striving for communion with those who we spend significant time with. It is easy to take for granted the communion we have with God and others, and slowly retract our commitment to being a “we”, and eventually find ourselves two free-floating “I”s that happen to inhabit in the same house, workplace, convent, or in relation to God, the same soul.
If we do not safeguard the communion in our lives, it may unravel into a chilling isolation. A habitual reverence for others is the salt that preserves the authenticity of communion.
If we do not safeguard the communion in our lives, it may unravel into a chilling isolation. A habitual reverence for others is the salt that preserves the authenticity of communion.
This means not treating others as problems that can be ‘taken care of’, obstacles to getting what I want or what I think is best. “If I can only exert a certain amount of influence over them, then they’ll finally agree to giving me what I want”. It also means not treating others as means to an end, tools. It is a remembrance that every person is an “I” just like I am. It looks like treating others as you might hold a precious stone, or standing before them as you might before a mountaintop view.
Choosing not to define people by their role in society will protect communion by giving priority to personhood, which is deserving of reverence. I am a person before I am a cashier at a gas station. I am a person before I am a business owner. I am a person before I am a teacher. Defining others by their role in society leads us to do the same to ourselves, which will lead us on a self-destructive quest to prove our worth within the work we do. Our being made in the image and likeness of God is what makes us persons, it is where our worth comes from, not anything I can produce.
Sometime fear of disillusionment prevents us from aspiring to communion with others. There is a risk in making the move from “I” to “we”, but we must realize that what we potentially lose in reaching out will always be of a lesser order of value than what is to be gained from authentic communion. The growth in virtue that springs naturally from our living in communion with others will always outrank in value whatever we lose in having our (often unrealistic) expectations disappointed.
Finally, we must learn how to stand before others when faced with their imperfections, and our own. When temptations to withdraw ourselves from openness to communion with others strike out at us, our parry is faith and hope. Faith to believe that there is something worthy of reverence in this person, no matter what they’ve done or are currently doing; and hope to acknowledge that everyone has the capacity to become what they are called to. So, if this reverence is not forthcoming, we ought to make an act of faith in the image of God in the person in front of us, and an act of hope that they can manifest character that helps that image shine forth from their soul. Having faith in others’ inherent goodness may even spark in them the desire to aspire towards greater moral virtue. Being patient in our hope will show others that we do love them and not just them-as-we-want-them-to-be. Love does not need to be blind to another’s imperfections – it can bear seeing them so long as it also sees the distinct beauty of the person.